Thursday, January 25, 2007

I Wish

My baby girl is growing up so fast..and somedays i wish that I could make time stand still. As of lastnight she has figured out how to grasp the bottle and is on her way to wanting to hold it on her own..this makes me sad but happy at the same time. She is now clutching on to so many new toys, and finding out what noises they make. The joy in her face when she see's us in her view is just adorable to me, and to think that she is gonna be 5 months wrenches my heart as I love the " baby stage ". I cried the other night as I wished that i had of had the same loving , caring , and fun experience with Makayla like I have this time..but unfortunatly it didn't turn out that way..thanks to the lovely state of depression that hit me hard. I so wish that I could turn back time somedays and gather up all those days with her again..but for now i guess i will just enjoy watching her grow now. I really do hate depression for taking that from me..as that really breaks my heart now. But on the other hand Makayla has turned out to be such a beautiful girl and watching her grow will hopefully help mend my sore spot in my heart. I am just sad to see these kids grow up..didn't think it was gonna hit me this hard..watching them grow that is. Such an amazing experience but sad too, knowing that its over so soon. I took some cute pics of Kourt in her nakedness little way. Well now that I have spilled my guts to you all..I am off to tend to the kids and have a fun day..hopefully.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Chrissy; Don't be so hard on yourself, you may have missed a few
months of the baby stage but you still have a whole life time of good
memories. These will be the ones you
will cherish. Trust me!!!!!
Deb

Anonymous said...

Hey Chrissy, I never got to have kids, so rest in knowing how blessed you are to have them! Also it is so easy to look at all that we missed, it is the enemy that robs us from looking at all we have and have to come! Don't let it rob who you are today! Choose to see the victory in who you are today it teaches your kids and all how to perservere never dwell on our neg. in life, but rejoice in the victory,you are raising kids to be purpose filled adults who will never quit and always see the victory~! Great JOB...

Linda said...

p.s...from last comment, how great that you can speak wonderful things into your older daughter's life and watch her and all your kids now, that is what is most important,for them to know and feel your love now, I wouldn't even think or speak of our mistakes, not that you are, but it will only bring reliving pain the best antidote is to think of who you are now. We all do stuff, I could write a book on garbage in my life...but I am starting a new book on the good things! I through the other one away, it only dragged me down~! our past mistakes etc. are gone, forgotten and forgiven! OH I WANT COOKIES NOW!!! come visit me, next time you are at Vicki's bring all the little ones, and some cookies...Linda